And They All Lived Happily Ever After?
by V3GG13vamp
Summary: After the departure of the Volturi at the end of Breaking Dawn, eternity seems set to be perfect for Bella and Edward.  However, Edward discovers married life isn't quite what he was expecting.
1. Chapter 1

I'm a bit worried about posting this story as the idea for it is not mine! The idea was a starter for a collaboration story for which I wrote the first few chapters. The content of this version is entirely my own however, so I hope I'm not breaking any rules in posting it here. If I am, I'm sure someone somewhere will swiftly delete it! Okay - Many thanks to Elaine for the original plot: Set post Breaking Dawn and a few cracks are beginning to appear in Edward and Bella's marriage. She never tidies up and is incapable of returning a CD to the correct place in his collection. She still hasn't gotten control of her newborn strength and has very nearly broken parts of him (ahem) on several occasions. The original collaboration story has now headed in a very different direction than this, and you can read it (and contribute to it) on the UKTwilight website forum.

* * *

Carlisle recognised the soft patter of his first son's footsteps long before they reached his study door and smiled to himself. He was surprised however, when Edward hesitated in the hallway.

_Son? Did you wish to talk?_

A resigned sigh was the only response before the door opened cautiously. Carlisle carefully masked his thoughts by reciting the elements in the periodic table, first by atomic weight and then alphabetically. Over ninety years of experience had taught him that Edward would open up when he was good and ready.

He watched as Edward studied the various paintings and portraits hanging on the walls, and wondered what was troubling him, as he paused by a scene from their first home in Ashland. Gently, almost reverently, Edward traced the shapes in the painting; trees, fields, distant hills, home.

"Am I selfish?"

Carlisle was taken aback by the abruptness of Edward's question. In truth he wasn't surprised at the content. Edward had always struggled with recognition of his own desires and wishes, and constantly questioned his motives. Carlisle knew that his self-doubt stemmed from those dreadful dark years when Edward had chosen his own path, before destiny returned him to the forgiving embrace of Esme and Carlisle.

_Why do you question yourself, son? Has something happened between you and Bella?_

The fleeting glance from Edward's eyes told him he'd hit the nail on the head.

_Edward, you knew from very early on that Bella was determined to become one of us. She is the only one in this family who entered our life fully aware of what she was choosing. And from what I've seen she's truly happy with her new-found abilities. _

Edward's lips pressed together tightly and his frown deepened.

"Oh yes," he said, "_She_ is _very_ happy."

_I must confess I'm rather confused, Edward. Her happiness bothers you?_

Edward scowled down at his shoes.

"Yes, I am the epitomy of selfishness. After everything she's suffered because of me – James, Victoria, the Volturi," he snarled. "She has quite literally given her life for me and …"

He broke off suddenly from his tirade and stared towards the window.

"Fuck!"

Carlisle was about to admonish Edward for his choice of words when he heard what had caught his son's attention. Something was coming through the trees - quite literally!

Bella.

Father and son stood side by side watching as Bella thundered in a direct line from the cottage to the house. Centuries old trees cringed and fell as she gracelessly swept them out of her way. Carlisle watched in horror as one of the tall cedars landed halfway across the lawn, making pot pourri of Esme's carefully tended flower beds.

"Emmett!"

Esme appeared on the porch, hands on hips, ready to deal with an over-zealous Emmett when she realised who it was.

"Oh, Bella, it's you dear," she said, wondering for the umpteenth time when her daughter-in-law would learn to control her newborn strength.

Bella pounded up to Esme and grabbed her in a rib crunching hug. Fortunately Esme anticipated this and braced herself just in time.

"Is Edward here, I want to go hunting again. I'm so thirsty."

She heard the curtains swish as Edward attempted to duck behind them and called up to him. Reluctantly Edward turned to leave the study. Carlisle was beginning to see the problem.

x x x x x

They were deep in the heart of the mountains when Edward caught the scent of mountain lion. His predatory instincts took him down wind of the beast – a large female who was occupied in licking the remains of her own kill from her whiskers. Edward crouched low and prepared to attack when there was a sudden blur in front of him. The lion roared in hopeless fury as Bella sank her teeth into the warm flesh. Edward's eyes turned to deepest ebony as he watched his wife drain his meal. After a few minutes she looked up at him.

"Thanks, Edward, now be a darling and find another one for me – you know I can't stand the taste of deer."

It was a full thirty seconds before he realised his nails were slicing into his own palms.

_I made her into this, _he thought. _I must make allowances; I have to keep calm; she's done so much for me; given up everything…_

Chanting his litany he stalked away.

From high up in a pine tree Jasper and Emmett watched the scene unfold. As Bella sped off after Edward, Jasper turned to Emmett.

"That boy is _seriously_ whipped," he laughed.

Emmett sniggered. "Yeah, looks like we're gonna have to teach Eddie how to wear the pants in his house."

x x x x x

Several hours later a very full Bella lay in the meadow, gently caressing Edward's hair. The air was warm and still, and the only sound was the distant trickling of a far off stream. The sun peeked out from the clouds, and a rather surprised bumble bee was momentarily blinded by the diamond like sparkles emanating from the people lying next to his flower.

Edward closed his eyes and wriggled his bare toes with pleasure. _This_ is what eternity should be about – a full stomach (albeit with the blood of a deer and three squirrels), and the love of his life curled next to him. He was just being silly before; of course marriage and living together would take some adjustment. He'd been used to his independence for over a hundred years; he and Bella would settle into routines and adapt to each other's foibles. Yes, he thought as he breathed in Bella's heavenly scent, things would work out just fine.

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Please review :)


	2. Chapter 2

_Arrrggghhhh - not a single review! (Hangs head in shame). Maybe you are all loving it so much you don't have the words to express your amazement..._

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Back at the Cullen residence plans were afoot. It was decided that the girls would all entice Bella to Seattle under the pretence of clothes shopping, whilst the men worked on Edward. Esme and Alice had decided not to let Rosalie in on the real reason for their little excursion. Alice had tried long and hard to see the outcome of telling Rose, but it flickered randomly between her desire to get one up on Bella and her glee at getting payback on Edward for a life time of sarcasm. No. Better to keep Rose in the dark (to which even Emmett agreed).

x x x x x

A soft breeze wafted through the meadow scattering delicious floral scents in its wake. The bumble bee, reassured that the strange creatures were not a threat, resumed his hunt for nectar.

"Edward, I've been thinking," said Bella.

"Yes, my love? About what?"

He turned to look for clues in her expression and wished she would let him through her shield and into her mind more often.

"Well, now that I'm not going to college I'd like to pursue one of my interests from years ago."

Edward smiled delightedly.

"Of course, my love, I think that's a wonderful idea! Tell me more."

Bella looked thoughtful for a moment, and, was that a glimmer of guilt that flashed briefly across her face?

"When I was eight, I began a collection. I had the idea that mine would be the most thorough collection in the world. I used to scan the internet for rare ones and dreamed of having enough money to buy them. I had it all pictured out in my head – shelves, display cases, information boards."

Bella was now pacing rapidly round the meadow in excitement as she relived her childhood dreams.

"Bella, what exactly did you begin to collect?" asked Edward, partly out of curiosity but mainly in response to the growing ball of dread that was forming in the pit of his stomach.

"Beanie Babies! My mom got me one of the originals for my birthday and I used to save all my pocket money for them. I couldn't buy many because I had to keep saving up, but oh Edward, don't you see? With our wealth now I can buy as many as I want! I can get all nine of the originals for a start. I thought if we packed up your CDs and albums then that would give me enough shelf space to…"

By now Edward was on his feet.

"Wait..what?" he spluttered. "What do you mean pack up my CDs and albums? Why would I..I mean what...how can…"

Edward was now positively quivering with rage and disbelief. If he'd have had even a micro drop of shape-shifter DNA in him, he would have phased by now.

"Well it's not like you actually listen to most of them. They just sit there on the shelves, Edward, and we don't have room in the cottage for both our collections. Surely you don't begrudge me this small favour?"

The watching bumble bee decided that now might be the perfect time to vacate the meadow.

x x x x x

Esme sat with her arm around Bella's shoulders as her daughter-in-law sniffled.

"Edward doesn't adjust well to sudden changes," she said soothingly, "Just give him some time to sort things through in his head and he'll be right as rain." (Rain which falls in a great hammering icy cold deluge, submerging three villages and cutting a new mile wide river straight to the ocean that is, she thought privately).

It had been seven hours since Edward had vanished from the meadow. All Alice would say is that she saw him returning during daylight and that all would be well again.

"What you need is something to take your mind off things," said Esme, seizing the perfect opportunity. "Why don't all us girls take a nice long weekend break in Seattle. It will be a chance for you to practise being around a greater population of humans, Bella, and we could visit that new boutique Alice has been dying to see."

Bella looked from Esme to Alice.

"You're sure Edward won't be upset?" she asked.

Jasper, who was pretending to read, rolled his eyes in disbelief. Upset? How on earth did she imagine Edward was feeling the _last_ time she saw him?

"Of course not, silly," chimed Alice, "And anyway, it will give him some time alone with Nessie. It's very important that fathers spend quality time with their daughters."

Bella frowned.

"Does that mean Rose is coming too?"

"Well of course _I'm_ coming too," announced Rosalie, "I love Nessie to bits but even _I _need a break from the stench of dog now and then."

The corner of Jasper's mouth quirked up at this. If only Rose knew. Jacob wasn't going to be here this weekend either. He and Emmett had persuaded him to let Edward and Nessie have some alone time, by reminding him rather pointedly that Edward had been very gracious so far about the whole imprinting thing.

x x x x x

Carlisle eventually discovered Edward crouched in a tiny cave hidden behind a waterfall.

"I think you need to come home, son," he said, taking in Edward's miserable demeanour.

"To which one?" retorted Edward.

Carlisle tried not to smile. He loved his son dearly and wondered why it was that if there was a difficult rocky road ahead, that would be the one Edward inevitably found himself on.

"I think maybe you and Bella need a little time apart. Esme and the girls are going to take her shopping in Seattle for a couple of days. That will give us some time to talk about what's going on with you two. I know you love her, Edward, but I think you need to learn to assert yourself a little more. All this giving in to Bella's every whim is going to destroy you."

Edward nodded his head slightly, then looked sharply at Carlisle.

"When you say _us_ do you mean you and me us or all of us us?"

At this Carlisle laughed heartily.

"Edward I think your next college course should be English grammar 101! In all seriousness though, your brothers are as worried as I am. I know you all tease each other but they _do_ care about you and only want for you to be as happy with your mate as they are with theirs."

Edward sighed. He knew that any input into his marital affairs from Jasper and Emmett was sure to be painful and embarrassing, oh Lord definitely embarrassing, but he trusted his father's wisdom implicitly and agreed that changes _had_ to be made.

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Kind reviews might entice Edward out of the cave :)


	3. Chapter 3

_Edward thanks you for the reviews; it was rather miserable behind that waterfall as three frogs kept staring at him in a most unnerving manner._

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Saturday morning arrived and the girls set off early for their drive to Seattle. They had reservations at the Fairmont Olympic and planned to arrive by 8am ready for the shops to open. Carlisle had ensured Edward had sated his thirst with some quality grizzly bear blood before the boys all convened around the dining room table.

Carlisle could sense Edward's unease and reluctance to open the discussion so he figured as head of the family he should begin.

"To start with I want to make it clear that no-one in this family is questioning Bella's place among us. It's just that since becoming a vampire, things have changed somewhat more than we anticipated."

The silence was deafening. Edward seemed to be frozen in place. Carlisle ploughed on.

"Edward you are clearly on edge and unhappy with the way your relationship is going…"

"No I'm not," snapped Edward.

"Oh please!" said Emmett, "You tried to hide behind the curtains from her! Dude if that's not on edge and unhappy then I don't know what is."

Edward folded his arms on the table and buried his face in defeat.

"I don't know what to do," he wailed. "She's so different than she was when she lived with Charlie. _His_ house was always spotless, she always made sure _he_ got fed before her, she never dreamed of touching any of _his_ fishing things. _Why_ is she so different with _me_?"

It was of great credit to Emmett that he stifled the urge to suggest that maybe it was because Charlie was a man.

Subtly Jasper sent a hint of calm Edward's way and waited to see his shoulders relax before speaking.

"Bella's discovered a whole new range of abilities she never had before. She's like a kid in a candy store. You've got to start being the adult, Edward, and set a few boundaries."

The expression on Edward's face told them that clearly he found the words 'setting boundaries' and 'Bella' uncomfortable so close together.

"Don't worry, Edward," grinned Emmett, "We can totally help you. May I remind you that for the past year I have been majoring in behavioural psychology at university."

How could they forget! Each and every one of them knew Emmett had only enrolled in that course under the mistaken belief he would discover a whole new world of sexual deviancies which he and Rose could explore.

"According to all the eminent psychologists, the best method for learning a new way of behaving is to role play it in a safe environment. So, brother, we're gonna use this weekend to practise new ways of reacting to Bella's demands!"

Emmett sat back triumphantly and Carlisle had to admit that for once the boy had something. So it was agreed. They would act out the different scenarios which Edward found difficult to handle until he had learned a whole new way of behaving.

From her Lego construction on the floor, Nessie listened with fascination.

"Okay, here's what we do. Me and Jasper will act out something that's happened between you and Bella, while you watch. Then we swap over and you have a go Edward."

With that Emmett threw a pink blouse at Jasper.

"Uh what's this?" asked Jasper.

"It has to look realistic," explained Emmett, "Otherwise Edward won't be able to transfer his new skills successfully to the real Bella."

"Hey now hold on just a minute," began Jasper, "How come _I_ have to be Bella?"

"Cos you got long hair, duh!"

Edward smirked and began to think that maybe this weekend wouldn't be so awful after all.

"I do _not_ have long hair," protested Jasper, trying his best to ignore the sniggers.

"OK, question," continued Emmett patiently. "Can you or can you not get a scrunchy to stay in your hair?"

Jasper knew he was defeated. Truth be told he'd often thought about having his hair trimmed to a more modern length, but then Alice so loved to play with it. And when she grabbed fistfuls of his hair and yanked his head down hard towards her soft naked...

The three other men in the room were suddenly overwhelmed by inexplicable feelings of lust and if Carlisle hadn't interceded who knows what might have happened.

"Jasper, son, just put the blouse on," he said, "It's for a noble cause."

Jasper grabbed the offending item and did as he was told.

They agreed to start with quite a simple scenario – Bella's untidiness at home. Jasper sat on the sofa surrounded by items of clothing.

Emmett walked purposefully up to him and said in a strong, no nonsense voice, "Bella, put the clothes in the Good Will box. Thanks hun." He planted a kiss on top of Jasper's head and walked away.

Carlisle squeezed Edward's arm reassuringly.

"You see son, it's quite painless and straightforward. Now you try."

Edward walked up to Jasper, who promptly batted his eyelids, and marched right on back to Carlisle.

"Jasper!" chorused Emmett and Carlisle.

Jasper apologised and promised to be serious. Edward tried again.

"Bella, if it's not too much trouble, would you mind if…"

"Stop, stop, _stop_!" commanded Emmett. "You have to stop being so meek, Edward. Be forceful. Don't ask her, _tell_ her."

Again, Edward approached Jasper.

"Bella, please would you…"

"_No_!" Emmett was rapidly losing patience. If Eddie couldn't even handle this how on earth were they going to progress to more serious stuff?

"Bella, would you…"

"Bella, can you..."

"Bella, will you…"

Finally Edward got it.

"Bella, tidy up!"

There was a resounding wave of applause; even Nessie got excited and clapped along. She thought her father and uncles were very funny playing dress-up like this. What a pity mommy wasn't here to enjoy it too.

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C'mon, it's not often Emmett gets to be the smart one! That alone deserves reviews :)


	4. Chapter 4

_Emmett would like to send dimply smiles to the ones who reviewed; you made his day (but don't tell Rose)._

* * *

The weekend passed swiftly and soon it was time for the girls to return home. Edward had never felt so exhausted in all his vampire years. Emmett's behaviour modification regime had been relentless, but now Edward could feel a new fire of determination inside him. The others all agreed he had made remarkable progress and they all felt smugly certain that soon Bella would be brought back into line.

The rustling of seventy carrier bags heralded the arrival of the girls and each couple was joyfully re-united. Bella was thrilled to see that Edward appeared to be his normal devoted self again as he swept her up into his arms and kissed her passionately.

"I've missed you, my love," he said, "Did you enjoy your weekend?"

"Oh yes, Edward," she enthused, "I actually think I'm learning to enjoy clothes shopping! Oh, and I got a little something for you, just to show how much I love you, Edward, and I always will."

He smiled as she delved into one of the bags and brought out a small package, neatly wrapped in gold paper. Gently he unwrapped it and stared at the item in his hand. It appeared to be a small toy bat. There was a label attached to its neck which he opened and read:

_Radar the bat flies late at night  
He can soar to an amazing height  
If you see something as high as a star  
__Take a good look, it might be Radar!  
_  
"It's Radar the Bat," squealed Bella, "One of the rarest Beanie Babies! Isn't it so _cute_? His birthday is October 30th 1995; wasn't your human birthday October some time? I chose a bat on purpose, Edward, do you get why? It's a joke…bat…vampire…do you get it?"

Edward nailed the smile into place.

"It's very…thoughtful, my love. How clever of you to think of a vampire joke."

He took a deep breath. Maybe now was as good a time as any to put some of Emmett's training to use.

"As soon as we build _another_ room in the cottage for your collection," he said, with deliberate emphasis, "this Beanie can take pride of place."

Before she had a chance to reply he strode off to the cottage, thrilled to note the double thumbs up Emmett gave him from the upstairs window.

"And just so you know," he whispered, "my birthday was June 20th."

X X X X X

Bella gathered a sleepy Nessie into her arms. Her daughter's eyes fluttered then widened as she saw who was holding her.

"Hello, sweetheart, mommy's just taking you back to your own bed. Give grandma and your aunties a kiss goodnight."

Nessie was hugged and kissed before Bella snuggled her up in a blanket to carry back through the forest to her home.

"Did you have fun this weekend, sweetie?" She asked.

"Yes, mommy, I finished making the model of our houses with my Lego, but I need some more tree pieces for the forest."

She stretched out her tiny hand and rested it gently on her mother's cheek. Bella smiled as she saw images of the detailed Lego models laid out on the floor. Nessie continued to replay the events of her weekend: conversing with her dolls; reading the leather bound copy of Treasure Island her father had given her; watching the Cullen men playing - suddenly Bella was _very_ interested indeed.

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If you fear for Edward's life PLEASE review! (Sorry it's such a tiny chapter; next one will be MUCH bigger I promise)


	5. Chapter 5

_Edward would once again like to thank you for your very kind reviews. He said to tell you he is absolutely dreading this chapter but being the man he is, will allow it to proceed..._

* * *

Things were quiet for a few days at the cottage. The new clothes Bella had purchased were all put away in the enormous closet although there was the familiar scattering of old unwanted items on the bedroom floor. Edward braced himself.

"Bella, pick these up and have them sent to the Good Will shop. Thank you."

The world held its breath.

"Of course, Edward. I'll get on it while you're out hunting."

The world relaxed and Edward almost danced out the door with relief. He must remember to purchase that new titanium reinforced baseball bat Emmett had been hankering after, to show his gratitude.

Later that day Edward decided to take the car into town to collect the new set of medical books which Carlisle had ordered from the bookstore. He parked outside and went in to collect the order. To keep up human appearances he had to refrain from attempting to carry all thirty volumes himself and merely led the three staff members to the boot of his car. At the press of a button the door to the boot lifted and Edward stared in horror.

The entire space was completely stuffed with old clothing. Not just any old clothing but every item of female undergarment imaginable: Thongs, lacy knickers, red satin bras, crotch-less panties, you name it, it was there, on full display for everyone to see. If Edward had been human he would have resembled an exploded tomato by now. Attached to the clothes was a very simple note:

_Drop these off at Good Will please, sweetheart.  
XXX_

Far faster than he should have, Edward flung open the door to the back seat.

"Put them there," he snapped at the store staff, who had all been politely studying the tarmac whilst waiting.

As soon as the books were in, Edward slammed the door and drove off to the nearest dumpster to dispose of the offending items. Having dealt with this he sat in the car and pondered. Had Bella done this on purpose? If so, why? Had she recognised his feeble attempts at being assertive? Were things about to get even worse? He drove home as fast as his car would allow and sped off to consult with Emmett.

Emmett had the decency not to laugh and explained that this was a perfectly normal reaction from Bella. People always try to resist change but once they realise that this is how things are going to be, they accept it and all is well. He told Edward to persist with the program.

Edward's next challenge was to protect his precious music collection. Bella came back from Charlie's to discover some major construction going on. Edward had tunnelled deep under their cottage and was currently insulating the walls of an extensive basement. He looked up proudly as his wife entered.

"What do you think?" he beamed. "I've installed spotlights at various points and a climate control system so the air will always be dry and the correct temperature. All I need to add now is the shelving and you can begin displaying your Beanies."

"Excellent," replied Bella, "You really are quite an amazing husband. And so… different lately. And to think I always assumed you were so set in your ways."

Edward glanced at her suspiciously, but her expression was of total innocence as she inspected his handiwork. By nightfall the shelves and display units were all in place.

"Why don't you go hunting, dearest, and I can have some quiet time organising my Beanies," she suggested.

Edward gave her a loving kiss on the cheek and ran off to pursue the delicious scent of lynx he had noticed the other day. Bella watched him go and smiled. Yes, she had a _lot_ of organising to do.

On his return he found the cottage in darkness and all was silent. He wondered if Bella had gone up to the main house and was about to head off when curiosity got the better of him. Cautiously he headed down to the new basement. As the lights illuminated the scene his mood crashed to the darkest depths of despair. Bella had beaten him again! The shelves were filled with original Beatles albums, limited edition vinyl discs, thousands of CDs and sheet music dating back to the 1700s. His entire music collection. And it was most definitely organised.

From the white of The White Album through to the darkest black of Eminem's Infinite, everything was sorted by colour. _Colour_! Who in God's name organises music by colour? All his wonderful system of chronology and preferences within each year – gone! He sank to his knees; it would take him months to re-establish his system. He should have been more specific. When he said "_And then you can begin displaying your Beanies,_" he should have added, "_Down here, in the basement._"

Completely demoralised he trudged up to his former music refuge which now looked bare and unwelcoming. His eyes fell on the one object the room contained. Radar the Bat stared back at him innocently. Edward stalked up to the abominable creature and gently removed one of its eyes.

X X X X X

The guys had to admit that Bella was proving a tough nut to crack but with the added incentive of the original manuscript of Beethoven's violin sonata in G to add to his collection, Edward was persuaded to persevere.

Edward was aware that Bella seemed to carry out her dastardly plans when he was away hunting, so he determined to put this off for as long as possible. Bella noticed the gradual blackening of his eyes.

"Edward, darling, do you need to hunt? You look awfully thirsty."

Edward shook his head.

"No, my love, I'm perfectly fine. I miss you so much when we're apart that I'd rather stay here with you," he lied.

"Hmmm, it's a pity you can't get take-away mountain lions," she laughed. "Then you wouldn't have to hunt at all!"

The next day Edward returned from the main house to find a note pinned to the front door. It read:

_Dinner's in the basement.  
XXX_

Edward fleetingly considered provoking the Volturi again, but then manfully pushed open the front door and headed to the basement to see what awaited him. From the deep rumbling purrs he knew _exactly_ what lay behind the door. As he pushed it open, a fiercesome wall of fur and claws came spitting and snarling at him. Deftly he grabbed the beast by the throat and sank his teeth into the hot pumping artery in its neck. He drank greedily, savouring the soothing warmth of the blood as it caressed his burning throat. Having sated his thirst he stood to survey the room. Not a single thing had survived. During its hours of entrapment the enraged mountain lion had systematically clawed and smashed and bitten everything in its futile attempt to escape. Edward felt empty. He sat down next to the still warm carcass and stroked its fur.

"At least your end was quick," he mused. "_My_ torture seems destined for eternity."

He looked up at the doorway and saw Bella standing there, arms folded. Before he even had a chance to open his mouth she started.

"The next time, husband, you feel like plotting behind my back, you _might_ want to ensure our daughter can't see you. Let's get one thing clear; you may have forced me to marry you but you are _not_ dragging me back to the 1900s. If I don't want to clean up, I won't. If I want my things on display I'll do it. So stop this ridiculous charade of being all manly and go back to the Edward who, when I say 'jump' asks 'how high'. Got it?"

She didn't wait for a reply. Her face clearly said how she felt! She was strong…immortal…in charge! Gleefully she dashed off through the forest to find some boulders she could pulverise.

Back at the main house Edward told his tale of shame. The entire family were appalled and dismayed. Even Rose was devastated, for as much as she and Edward clashed, she loved her brother dearly and never truly wanted to see him suffer. So it was as a united body that they nodded their assent to Carlisle who promptly began dialling. It was time to call in a favour.

* * *

Awww poor Edward. If you want to see him smile again you need to review :)


	6. Chapter 6

Edward is quite overwhelmed at the love and support you reviewers have shown him; he had no idea humans could be so caring and has some messages for you:

_Bellaangel383 - I am intrigued that you fear my Bella might be an imposter. Ah, how I wish it were so! Avaerial - How delightful you are! Had I been human I truly would have shed a tear upon reading that you would never put me through such torment. SkyBlueSw - What a shame you are not a vampire as I believe you could indeed be the one to tame Bella! (P.S. Are you a vampire? How soon can you come to Forks?). Ikecrazy and isleGomez - I'm thrilled that you are enjoying reading my tale, though I do so hope you aren't enjoying my sufferings :(_

* * *

To keep Bella's suspicions at bay it was decided that Edward should indeed return to being meekly hen-pecked. Nessie was also shipped off to the Quileute reservation for a couple of weeks. This had been planned weeks ago anyway, as there was to be a big gathering of the tribe with the telling of the tales of old, and Jacob had insisted it was important for Nessie to find out all about his traditions.

Days went by uneventfully as Edward did all the cleaning, gave the first choice of prey to Bella and sat alone in his basement listening to Simon and Garfunkle's _I Am A Rock_ on the dust-covered Sony walkman he had found tucked away in a corner. (The only source of music to have survived the previous devastation). Bella continued to scour the internet for the precious Beanies and maxed out one credit card after another in their pursuit.

There was one particular Beanie which was proving to be rather illusive; the famed dark blue version of Peanut the Elephant. She had put out searches on various collectors web-sites and sent out numerous emails but so far no luck. At 4.30pm she sat down at her laptop and logged on to check her emails. The third one in the list caught her eye:

_Re: 1995 rare elephant Beanie_

Eagerly she opened the message. It was from a museum in Europe who said that due to a sad lack of funding they were no longer able to keep the museum running and were therefore being forced to sell off their items. One section of the museum had been devoted to 'Childhood Memories' and as part of that, they had in their possession the aforementioned Beanie. If she was interested in purchasing it, they would prefer to do the deal face to face, having previously been duped by other more unscrupulous clients. There was an attached photo of the elephant in its display cabinet with a suggested price of $4,500.

Bella could hardly believe her luck! Money of course was no object; she carried more than that in the glove compartment of her car in case Nessie wanted some sweets when they were out. Using Google Earth she located the nearest airport to the museum and booked the flight.

An hour later, two other members of the Cullen household also booked flights, though theirs were scheduled to arrive a little sooner.

X X X X X

Bella was quite thankful that her eyes were now not noticeably red as she would have needed numerous sets of contacts for the long flights. After making connections in New York and London, she eventually touched down at Lamezia Airport in the Calabria region of Italy. According to her map, the museum was located in the town of Mileto, about thirty miles south of the airport. She breezed through customs, collected her hire car and was on her way within half an hour of landing.

The drive itself was quite pleasant and she enjoyed seeing the clusters of goats scattered about the fields and the tiny villages clinging precariously to dusty hill tops. Eventually she saw the sign _Benvenuti A Mileto _and drove into the town centre. It was still only 6.30am so the square was deserted apart from one lone figure sitting by the fountain. That must be the museum curator who had promised to meet her at this early hour. She pulled on her cotton gloves and walked over to shake his hand.

The elderly Italian gentleman smiled broadly and grasped her hand between his.

"Welcome, Senorina, welcome to my country," he said.

Bella was very pleased that his English seemed so good. She'd brought several Italian dictionaries, phrase books and grammar books with her but hadn't managed to summon the enthusiasm to read them on the plane.

"Thank you," she said, using her most dazzling smile on him. "Unfortunately my return flight leaves tonight so we will need to conclude our business rather quickly."

"Si, si, that is no problem," he said, "I am just grateful we have found such a caring person to pass the item to."

He led the way down the narrow, cobbled backstreets towards the outskirts of town. Standing alone in the centre of a large olive grove was an enormous old house with the sign _MUSEO _fixed above the door. Opening it he stood back and gestured for her to enter first.

A soft voice, millennia old, spoke from the darkness within.

"Thank you, Ambrogio, you have done well. You will find a substantial reward in your next bank statement."

The old man bowed to the darkness.

"Grazie, Signore," he said respectfully, and made his way out closing the door behind him.

"Did you know the name Ambrogio means immortal?" came the voice again. "Rather ironic don't you think, given that unlike you and I, his sojourn in this world is most definitely limited."

Bella took a step back as Aro emerged from the shadows, flanked by Demetri, Felix, Jane and another vampire she didn't yet know.

"How are you, my dear? Such a delight to see you again so soon. How is your wonderful daughter progressing?" Aro paused. "And Edward. How is he?"

"There is no dark blue Peanut the Elephant, is there?" she asked nervously.

Jane snorted in disgust.

Aro chuckled. "No, dear child, I'm afraid there isn't. It was rather naughty of me to lure you here under such false pretences, wasn't it? Unfortunately I received a rather disturbing phone call from my old friend Carlisle. It seems that unlike Renesmee, _you_ aren't living up to promise at all."

Bella turned to face the door but discovered Felix already barring the way.

"I'm a newborn," she shrieked, "I'm still stronger than you, and I have my shield, you can't touch me!"

Bella's voice was becoming hysterical.

"Hush, little one," soothed Aro. "Of course you are very strong, and yes, your shield is _extremely_ impressive. But perhaps I should introduce you to Gregory, the newest member of our guard."

The as yet unknown vampire stepped forward and removed his hood, revealing the bright red eyes of a newborn.

"Gregory has quite an unusual gift too, Bella. Similar to yours in a way but rather more specific. He has the power to temporarily smother any vampire's gift. With Gregory, Edward would be unable to read minds. Jasper would neither feel nor project emotions. Alice would be denied her visions. And _you_ my dear will have no shield!"

And with that, Aro nodded at Gregory who stared intently at Bella.

With every ounce of her vampire strength she tried to summon her shield but there was nothing there. Just as Aro had promised, she was cut off from her gift.

"Jane, I believe you have a little unfinished business with Bella, don't you?"

"Yes, Master," she said and turned her poisonous smile on Bella. "This may hurt just a little."

X X X X X

From the guest apartment out back Edward and Carlisle watched the plume of purple smoke drift lazily up into the sky. It was over. To his surprise all Edward felt was a profound sense of relief.

_I'm so sorry it ended this way, Edward. I truly believed Bella would be the one for you. Who could have known what a dreadful vampire she was going to turn out to be._

Edward smiled at his father.

"It's not all for nothing," he said, "I still have a beautiful daughter. Rosalie will more than make up for the absence of her mother. I must admit I was shocked at first to discover that Nessie has secretly been asking Rose if she can call her 'mom' instead of Bella, but I suppose a child's instincts are often right."

Carlisle couldn't help but agree.

Aro knocked on the door and entered the room.

"Forgive me if I don't shake your hand, Edward," he said, "but I really don't think I could take seeing those awful images of what Bella put you through again!"

"Thank you, Aro," said Carlisle, "you have proven that you are indeed a friend to us and we can put any past unpleasantness firmly behind us."

"Excellent," beamed Aro, his eyes positively glowing with delight. "But I do so wish for Edward to be happy. It must be terribly difficult being the only singleton in a family such as yours Carlisle."

"It is," agreed Edward, "though I think pursuing a female of my own age again would prove just as futile. I may look seventeen but mentally I am so much more mature."

Aro looked thoughtfully at Edward then grinned maniacally.

"Oh it's no good, I can't keep this to myself any longer," he giggled. "Edward, I know the perfect woman for you. She's a delightful creature who I met several years ago when I was out seeking for new potentially gifted vampires. She knew me for what I was immediately but just accepted me anyway. She told me very firmly that it would simply be the rudest thing to bite someone to whom you have just been introduced."

Aro smiled at the memory.

"From then on I couldn't help but desire only her friendship. And best of all for you, my dear Edward, she is definitely not a senseless ingrate like Bella. No, she is a mature woman who understands about give and take in a relationship."

Aro allowed the memories of his time with her to play through his mind for Edward to see. The delight on Edward's face was a joy to behold.

"She's perfect," he cried. "How may I contact her?"

Aro passed a slip of paper across to him on which were written the woman's name and telephone number.

"I hope this time you really will find true love, Edward," smiled Aro, "For I do so love a happy ending."

THE END!

V^^^^V

* * *

Now, I wonder which of you were on the slip of paper Edward received.

Aro requests special reviews for the chapter he starred in. He would also like to tell you that the name Ambrogio really does mean immortal. (Edward says if you don't believe Aro you can Google it). x


End file.
